the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
