Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
