If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
