Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
