I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
