I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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