i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
