Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
