Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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