it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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