If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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