So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
