Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
