dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
