I want to stick my p in your. b.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
do herpes really smell.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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