Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
