i need an iv and a liver transplant
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
