its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
