i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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