It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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