I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
