I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
