i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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