he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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