we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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