jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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