i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
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