I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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