He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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