just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
