i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom