marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
