It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake