i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.