32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
