i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I had to cum in my sink.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
