JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
