what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
