I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
