I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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