saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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