mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
