I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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