Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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