he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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