he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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