Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Alive.
So much puke
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize