you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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