I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
