yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm like, not good at living.
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