I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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