I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
