Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
