just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
