3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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