my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
