I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
