did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
