No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize