im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
