wakey wakey hands off snakey
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
