youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
