fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
