Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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