Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
