JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
