I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
