sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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