Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
