I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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