Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
