Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
