i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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