just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
