My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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