I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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