i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"