Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..