Don't make out with my wife yet
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
