I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
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I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day