Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize