1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid