Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.