actually, I'm a sock model
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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