I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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