i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
