Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
