She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
