Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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