am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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